Be the reason someone feels seen

How to Speak so People Actually Want to Listen

If it often happens that you feel ignored when you want to say something, these simple tips will help you acquire skills that will make people actually want to listen to it.

You are probably way too familiar with the situations when you open your mouth to say something, but nobody seems to be paying attention.

Then someone else interrupts ignoring your attempt, and the spotlight is on them without giving you as much as a second thought.

You notice people talking over each other and getting their messages and ideas across.

However, when you try the same – to your frustration, nothing happens.

If you have this problem, you are not alone.

Many people actually have difficulties to communicate their points to a seemingly uninterested participant in the conversation.

Some of the tips that will help you get heard

1. Increase an eye contact with the people you are talking to

Nothing engages other people as an eye contact.

You may have felt it yourself as a ‘tingle’ when another person makes an eye contact with you.

That is also what other people will feel when you make an eye contact with them.

That is a power of human connection and actual awareness of the presence of another human being.

By avoiding eye contact, you are depriving others from that ‘tingling’ feeling and they miss out on making human connection with you as you speak.

2. Increase your Confidence Level

If you have a feeling deep down that what you want to say isn’t very important or might not interest anyone, it will affect how you address others.

It will show in your voice volume and tone.

Apart from that, your face will give out tons of micro-expressions that you cannot control, but others will pick up on the subconscious level.

It will all cause people to simply disregard what you are saying and classify it as unimportant.

If you yourself don’t believe that what you’re saying is interesting or important, it will become a self-fulfilling predicament.

3. Work on improving the Volume and Tone of your Voice

The qualities of your voice are a great deal affected by the levels of your shyness and your confidence.

Still, you can work on improving these qualities.

Try increasing volume and slowing down the pace of your talk.

The general stereotype cues of an unimportant and low-value talk are speaking quickly and quietly.

4. Take expectation of others into consideration

If a group you are a part of knows you as a quiet person, they have very likely already developed a habit of ignoring what you have to say.

They may still ignore you even if you change the way you talk, or even if you start being assertive.

If it is happens, try to get in contact with another groups and practice assertiveness there.

You will see the new group responding better from the very start.

The confidence that you build up with them will work amazingly well once you return to the original group.

When you are talking to any group, bear in mind these 7 deadly sins of speaking.

7 deadly sins of speaking:

1. Gossiping – Avoid gossips at all costs.

Speaking ill of other people who aren’t present will quickly disregard you in the eyes of others for the mere worry you might gossip about them as well.

2. Judgmental talk – If you are applying labels to others, people will find it difficult to listen or talk to you.

Especially if they know your judgmental opinions, and want to avoid getting labeled themselves.

3. Negative talk – If you are constantly in the bad mood or cynical, nobody will want to keep listening to that.

4. Complaining – If you constantly complain about other people, situations and things, it will push other people from wanting to listen to you.

5. Coming up with Excuses – If you don’t take responsibility for things that are happening to you, you will not have respect of others.

6. Exaggerating– If you are known as a tale teller, it may be fun to listen to you for some time, but it will eventually make others roll their eyes at your attempts at talking.

7. Dogmatic talk – If you insist that your ways and your ideas are the only possible ones, it will strip others of their patience and their desire to engage with you in any kind of discussion.

7 Pillars of Powerful Speech

Apart from what you say, it is very important how you say it. Make sure to spice it up.

-Pay attention to register of your voice. People often associate deep voice with authority and power.

Try letting your voice come “from your chest”.

1. Timber – is the ‘feeling’ that your voice evokes.

The warmer it is, the better.

2. Prosody – is how monotone you sound.

Make some deliberate variations in the tone of your voice as you speak.

3. Pace – Make sure that you aren’t talking too fast or too slow.

Don’t be afraid to sometimes change pace.

4. Silence – Use short periods of silence as a spice to keep people engaged to what you are saying.

5. Pitch – Increase emphasis on certain words when you communicate important points.

6. Volume – Experiment between being loud enough to get people’s attention and quiet enough to keep it on you.

It all comes down to practice.

Don’t be afraid to experiment with these tips until you reach the results you want, and actually start noticing the change in people’s behavior when you start to speak.