It’s often believed that the couples who argue with each other are the ones who are doomed to break-up, that they have nothing in common and are ill-matched.
Conversely, it’s believed that if you rarely argue with your partner than you must have a very strong bond and are extremely compatible.
Both may be true, but both are also wrong.
Just because you never argue with your partner doesn’t mean that you are compatible.
Similarly, just because you do argue doesn’t mean you dislike each other or are in a doomed relationship.
Arguing is not the same as fighting.
Fighting is done out of anger or frustration, whereas arguing is done out of a difference of opinion or perspective.
Arguing can be over little things such as which character in a movie is better, the best kind of pet, or which restaurant has the best onion rings; or it can be over bigger subjects like politics, religion, or social issues.
Arguing is a conversation when both parties have a different take on the matter and express it.
Arguing can be a very healthy interaction and can actually deepen your relationship when done appropriately.
Not all arguing is appropriate and, true, might be due to an ill-matched relationship.
This can be identified when the individuals involved truly can’t connect on anything, use negative or derogative terms to insult or offend their partner, and argue with the intent on gaining power over the other person.
That’s not healthy and is a pretty good indicator that the relationship might be doomed, after all.
That said, appropriate arguing can be very healthy.
Appropriate arguing is when both partners are communicating their differences of opinion but not for the sake of a power struggle and without intent to hurt the other’s feelings.
Here are 5 reasons why arguing with your partner can deepen your relationship:
It shows individualism.
The reason we enter into relationships is because we like who the person is as an individual.
Over time, you begin to create things together and have shared interests, but maintaining that individualism is also important.
You don’t want to merge all your opinions into your partner’s.
Maintaining a difference of opinion maintains what made you an individual—and that’s who your partner fell in love with to begin with.
It challenges you both—in a good way.
If you both agree on everything, then it’s really easy to fall into a rut.
There’s nothing to stimulate each other, nothing to promote growth in each other, and nothing to keep you interested.
Having a difference of opinion from your partner and participating in healthy arguments where you both share your different perspectives keeps you both growing and learning with and from each other.
It strengthens your connection.
If you can’t express yourself and are terrified that having a different opinion or perspective will ruin your relationship, then you don’t really have a relationship.
Being able to argue and still love your partner strengthens your connection because you both can express yourselves freely without the fear of the other person rejecting or leaving you.
It enhances your communication.
Arguing is a skill that doesn’t always come naturally.
Sometimes, it can lead to a fight and to misunderstandings, but over time it can actually improve your communication.
Learning to argue with your partner means listening, voicing differences in opinion with respect, and challenging the other person’s position with the intent to gain understanding and not to prove them wrong.
When you can argue respectfully, you can communicate more effectively and reach a better understanding of each other which will actually reduce fights.
It gives you a voice.
Being able to argue with your partner gives you a voice in your relationship.
It’s easy to not want to rock the boat and just agree with everything your partner says or does, but that isn’t a balanced relationship and will eventually fall apart as you aren’t expressing yourself and what you need.
Arguing with your partner gives you a voice and allows you to express your needs and what you want from the relationship.
This can be as simple as you’re tired of your partner always picking where to go for dinner, or as important as requesting they show you support in a different way than how they have been.
Arguing isn’t always a negative thing.
If you argue with your partner, it doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed or that you hate each other.
Healthy arguing can enhance, strengthen, and deepen your relationship and connection with your partner.