No matter how compatible a couple may be, they will almost certainly argue from time to time.
Life can be stressful and every relationship comes with challenges.
Knowing that it’s normal for a couple to fight and understanding why it’s normal to have a few arguments will help you realize that your relationship is probably OK!
This doesn’t just apply to heterosexual couples either – the same issues tend to come up regardless of gender.
Here are 5 things that cause the most arguments in long-term relationships:
Everyone has a slightly different set of personal values and goals when it comes to money.
Some of us are natural savers, some are enthusiastic spenders, and others are somewhere in between.
If you share the same approach to money management, that’s great!
However, in a couple, one person is typically more cautious than the other and this can cause tension.
For instance, you may be eager to save for a house deposit within a year, but your spouse may want to take an expensive vacation.
Setting a budget that takes both your individual and joint goals into account can prevent rows.
2. How much time to spend together and apart:
Some couples love doing everything together, whereas others prefer to spend a lot of time apart.
Neither is “right” or “wrong,” but when one person needs plenty of time alone and their partner starts to feel lonely, there’s a problem.
For example, if your partner loves their independence but you want to spend every evening with them, they may accuse you of being “clingy.”
The solution is to have a frank discussion about your personal needs and work out a schedule that balances couple time and alone time.
3. Extended family:
The old clichés about troublesome in-laws are overblown, but they contain a kernel of truth – maintaining good relationships with your partner’s family can be hard work.
If they are overbearing, insensitive, or hold views that clash with your own, you might find it hard to even spend time in the same room.
Your partner may feel obliged to defend their family and this can result in rows.
The solution is to work with your partner in drawing up firm boundaries and putting up a united front when relatives start making your lives difficult.
For instance, if your mother-in-law makes snide comments about your parenting, ask your partner to gently but firmly defend your decisions.
It’s unreasonable to expect a perfect fifty-fifty split when it comes to chores, but a healthy relationship must be based on equality.
In many relationships, women take on the bulk of the housework, but some men also find themselves picking up after their partners.
Either way, this kind of imbalance breeds resentment and often leads to arguments.
Following a chore rota can resolve these disagreements.
For instance, you could take on responsibility for all chores for two days, then your partner could do the same for the next two days, and so on.
Alternatively, if you can afford it, consider hiring a cleaner.
In an ideal world, everyone would find someone who shares their libido and sexual preferences.
However, in reality, it’s rare for a couple to enjoy complete compatibility in the bedroom.
One person usually wants to have sex more often than the other.
Sometimes, one half of the couple might have unusual desires or fetishes that are of no interest to their partner.
Sexual problems can be difficult to work through without professional assistance.
For example, if you are in a sexless relationship, you may need therapy to help you explore why the sexual dynamic between you and your partner has changed.
Most people need regular sex with their partner to feel desired and happy, and sexually dysfunctional relationships can damage your self-esteem.
Relationships aren’t easy, but if you are willing to work together you will be able to find a solution for most problems.
The key is to swallow your pride, give your partner the chance to explain their perspective, and work towards a compromise.
You don’t have to be a doormat, but you should aim for a balanced relationship rather than a dictatorship.
Empathy, listening skills, and humility will go a long way in diffusing tension.
If you can’t resolve your differences, consider getting help from a couples’ therapist.
Going to therapy isn’t an admission of defeat, and it doesn’t mean that your relationship is beyond salvation.
Getting an outside perspective can help remind both of you why you fell in love, and why your relationship is worth saving.