No matter how many breakups you’ve been through, or how bad your relationship has become, losing someone you love is never easy.
Fortunately, there are lots of tried and tested techniques that will soon help you move on.
Here are eight tips to help you heal after a relationship ends:
1. Give yourself 48 hours to wallow – then start making plans:
It’s completely normal to feel crazy with grief when a relationship ends.
You may want to cry for hours, hide away from the world, and just wallow in your misery.
That’s fine – for a little while.
However, it’s not healthy to hide yourself away from the world for more than a couple of days.
Start planning activities and social events that will distract you from the pain.
Start considering what you want from the future.
Get out of the house every day and meet up with friends at least twice each week if possible.
2. Go No Contact:
Unless you have children or a business together – and even then, you can choose to communicate only via lawyers if necessary – there is no reason to stay in contact with your ex.
You might fool yourself into thinking that you can be friends, but this rarely works in practice.
Delete their number from your phone, block them on all your social media platforms, and set a filter that sends all their emails to your “junk” folder.
Don’t ask family and friends about how your ex is doing because this will just fuel your obsession.
You can send a single message telling them that you are going No Contact for the sake of your mental health, but that’s it.
It sounds drastic but cutting them out will help you heal much faster.
3. Accept that sometimes, we can’t have complete closure:
It’s common to ask yourself lots of “Why?” questions after a breakup.
For instance, you may obsess about why your ex stopped loving you, or why they cheated on you.
The fact of the matter is that you might never know what your ex was thinking, or why they acted as they did.
Given that so many people don’t actually understand their own behaviors, your ex might not be able to give you answers anyway.
One of the most valuable life lessons you can learn is that complete closure is the exception, not the rule.
4. Put mementos in storage:
Place all the cards and gifts your ex gave you in a box, seal it up, and put it in storage.
Mementos can form an important part of your history as an individual so there is no need to throw them away.
However, it’s best to keep them hidden until you are completely over your ex.
This will probably take a few years if you were in a long-term relationship.
5. Use visualization:
When you are deep in post-breakup pain, it’s hard to imagine that one day you will again find love and happiness.
Visualization is a good tool for giving yourself some perspective and reigniting your optimism.
Set aside five minutes every day.
Find a quiet place, close your eyes, and imagine yourself feeling peaceful and contented.
Take your time and conjure up a detailed mental image.
How does this version of you sit, smile, and walk?
What does she like doing?
What are her ambitions?
Picture yourself going about your day feeling grounded and safe.
6. Write a list of things your ex did that really annoyed you, and list the reasons why the two of you are best off apart:
No one is perfect.
Even if your ex was a great person, they probably did a few things that irritated you.
Remember too that if they were “the one,” the relationship would have worked out.
Jot down a few of your least favorite memories of your old relationship and your ex’s most annoying traits.
Read this list when you start to miss them.
7. Remind yourself of the benefits of being single:
Being in a good relationship is awesome, but so is being single!
Make a list of the freedoms your single status brings.
For example, you can have an entire bed to yourself and you can flirt with who you want.
8. Shake up your usual routine:
Your breakup is the perfect time to rethink your daily routine.
This sends you brain a clear signal: “Life is different now!”
You don’t have to do anything drastic.
Taking a new route to work, changing the color of your bedroom walls, and changing your regular coffee order all count.
These tips will help you move forward but remember that getting over a relationship may take weeks or even months.
That’s OK – just carry on taking care of yourself and trust that, one day, you’ll be glad you and your ex parted ways.