Every relationship is different, and there is no single test that will tell you for sure whether yours is healthy.
However, asking yourself a few probing questions can help you hone in on any problems and tackled them sooner rather than later.
So, if you want to give your relationship a health check, try asking yourself these questions:
1. Do you feel as though you can be authentic around this person?
In a healthy relationship, both people feel loved and accepted for who they are.
If you have to change your personality around your partner to keep the peace, they probably aren’t the right person for you.
2. Do you feel excited by the prospect of a future with this person?
If the idea of staying with your partner for decades makes you feel uneasy or even exhausted, it’s a sure sign that something in your relationship isn’t working.
You need to identify why they aren’t making you happy, and either fix the underlying issue or move on.
3. Do you feel as though you can tell this person anything?
Staying in a relationship with someone who judges you, belittles you, or makes you feel bad for your past mistakes will make you feel anxious and depressed.
Your partner should be willing to listen to whatever you have to say. No topic should be off-limits.
4. Do you have any suspicions at all that they may be cheating, or might cheat in the future?
Trust is key to a healthy relationship.
You need to be able to trust that your partner will be able to restrain themselves in the face of temptation, and that they will tell you when they are unhappy rather than entering into an affair with someone else.
If someone is cheating on you, this is a sure sign of disrespect.
You deserve a partner who wants to remain faithful and feels lucky to have you.
5. Do you feel as though you can sort out any disagreements with this person in a sensible, dignified manner?
No matter how compatible a couple may be, they will argue from time to time. It’s inevitable!
Fortunately, arguments do not have to damage a relationship if you can resolve your differences like two mature adults.
If you have the same arguments over and over again, or either of you are shouting or using derogatory language, this is a big warning sign.
6. Does this person support your hobbies, career, and friendships?
A good partner will encourage you to have a life outside the relationship.
They will be proud of your achievements, and they will be happy when you make new friends.
In return, they will expect you to give them personal space.
In a healthy relationship, both people appreciate both the time they spend together and the time they spend apart.
7. Do you share the same basic values and goals? If not, are you happy to compromise?
People often assume that shared hobbies and interests are important for a good relationship.
There’s no denying that bonding over your favorite activities can help bring you closer.
However, you must have compatible values and goals if you want a long-term, healthy relationship.
For example, if you have always loved living in the city but your partner has a lifelong goal of moving to a remote coastal location, this will cause friction.
If you have different religious backgrounds or personal philosophies, this could also lead to trouble.
It’s possible to be happy in these kinds of situations, but it takes a lot of flexibility and a willingness to compromise.
Be realistic – are you both able to put in this kind of emotional work?
8. In general, has your life improved since you met your partner?
This may be the most important question of all.
All relationships run into occasional problems, but your partner should be one of the most positive influences in your life.
Is your gut instinct telling you that you aren’t as happy as you used to be?
If so, it’s time to think carefully about whether your relationship is right for you.
These questions are a great starting point, but only you and your partner know the full story of your relationship.
You may realize that your relationship is weak in one or two areas but decide to stay anyway because your partner still makes you happy most of the time.
Just remember that you have the right to walk away from a relationship at any time, and that you deserve to feel safe, comfortable, and respected by your partner.