We’ve all been there.
That once fiery romance that seems to go wrong until that one little flicker of hope and happiness keeps us from letting go.
It’s a scary place to be, and if you’re there right now, this one’s especially for you.
Here’s how to let go of a person that’s not good for you.
A trial and error concept that’s been tested and proven by scorned lovers near and far.
Accept That It’s Time to Let Go
Fighting has become routine, the relationship has a never-ending push-pull negativity factor, and you want to go but “something” is stopping you.
Maybe it’s time to address what that “something” is.
Usually, you will discover it has nothing to do with your lover at all.
When you ask yourself why you stay, does the response begin with “I’m afraid…”? Afraid of dying alone, no one else will accept [blank] about me–these are all fear-based notions and not at all realistic.
Waiting and hoping for things to stay as good as they once were is NO way to experience a relationship.
Accepting that you aren’t growing as a person and living your life to its fullest will be the prerequisite of letting go of the person who you know isn’t right for you.
While this person may not necessarily be a bad person, they just aren’t good for you anymore.
Re-define Love, Not The Toxic Version You’ve Accepted
Addiction, passion, and obsession with a person equal intensity, but they do not equal love.
When you’re with the wrong person for too long how you perceive love changes and you start settling.
You used to want a love that sets your soul on fire, an adventure buddy, someone who knows your goals and pushes you towards them, and now you’re glad if they even remember your anniversary.
Remember all the promises you’ve kept to yourself?
All the things you swore you wouldn’t tolerate?
It’s time to keep them and stand your ground.
The pain of loss and separation won’t last forever.
But the regret of staying with the wrong person is an unforgivable amount of time lost.
Give yourself time to heal from the relationship.
If you jump right back into another one, you may carry over the bad habits and low expectations from your damaged one.
Give love and yourself a fair chance by waiting.
Step Outside of Your Own Story
It’s easy to stay in it if you’re always in it. Imagine the relationship you need to let go of, now picture it’s your sisters or your best friends situation instead of your own.
What advice would you give to this person you care about?
Would you shake them and tell them to wake up and move on?!
Let this serve as insight into what you need to tell yourself.
Once you’re inside the story, it’s easy to create a fantasy filled with hopeful dialogue and dreams of change.
This internal storyline makes you see the person who isn’t right for you as what you want them to be instead of who they really are. But time proves over and over again that these ideals aren’t happening any time soon.
There is an entire life outside of this relationship. And a tell-tale sign that you’re not with the right person, is the fact that you’ve forgotten about that life.
Create a List
Many times we feel something isn’t right but don’t take action.
Letting go a person that’s not good for you will rely mostly on you convincing yourself of enough reason.
Create a list of everything you think you love about this person.
“They’re my soulmate, twin flame, best friend, passionate lover…etc” then read over it a few times.
You will soon see these ideas that surrounded what you thought of this person and your relationship start to break down.
Because if this were all true, would you be having that pit in your stomach nudging you to let go?
Set Standards Like a High-Value Human
Picture your life with this person in 3 months, 1 year, 10 years.
What do you see?
Are crying over the same old thing?
Are you constantly feeling let down and disappointed?
The longer you continue to allow yourself to stay with a person that’s not good for you your self-esteem will be driven further and further into the ground.
Your capacity to enjoy life will be determined by your capacity to love yourself.
Is throwing all that away for the wrong person, worth it?
Stop All Contact
Once you’ve internalized acceptance and self-worth, you’re ready to stop all contact with this person.
In the modern world on breaking-up many people still text occasionally or follow each other on social media.
You will not do this.
You are on a 6-month detox–no candy allowed.
Eventually, the desire to contact this person will fade as your self-love grows.
You’re worth it!