The proclaimed gurus and life coaches around the world will tell you that you have to cut toxic people off.
This tends to be the best way to remove somebody that isn’t helping you grow and is taking away from your happiness, yet sometimes it’s not realistic.
What happens if this person is a family member or a close friend within your circle?
Just because they don’t serve you doesn’t mean you can dramatically cut ties. There are other people involved and major complications that will come from it.
How do you remove a toxic person from your life without making a big deal?
You silence yourself.
Let’s first look at human behavior. Humans act off of habits they’ve curated over years, months or weeks.
For example, if a person is always acting in a specific manner towards you they’ve created a habit of doing so.
What we’re going to do is break that habit.
This doesn’t promise a healthier relationship but it will allow you to create much needed space.
For example, if this toxic person is a family member that is always asking for things and never willing to give back, you’ll want to slowly step away.
This means that you’re not going to block their number and their social profiles, hoping they’ll disappear.
Instead you’re going to take it one habit at a time.
If this person has a habit of calling you as soon as they have a problem, don’t pick up the phone.
Wait four hours before calling them back.
Chances are the problem has slightly dissipated and they had to call somebody else in order to fix their issues.
When it happens again, don’t call back for six hours.
Create a habit of not being attainable, and therefore a useful person, to call during a problem.
The other person won’t look at you as their savior and you’ll be free of your duties.
If this person is a friend who is always saying mean remarks, you’re going to implement the same strategy.
Instead of yelling from the roof tops of your dismay in their actions, change their habits.
When this person texts you or asks to hang out, don’t reply for hours and tell them you’re busy.
Let them know that things at work are going to be really hectic for the next few weeks and you’ll be offline a lot of the time.
Then prove this.
When they call or text again, tell them you’re busy with work.
You’re now creating the habit of being too busy to hang out and therefore not a useful person for the toxic person to reach out to.
These are two examples of many potential situations but the overarching goal is to slowly step back.
If you remove yourself all at once, it can cause tension or unnecessary drama.
By slowly stepping back and removing yourself as a useful person in the toxic person’s life, you’re showing them that you’re a pain to get in touch with.
In every toxic situation, there is a way to slowly back away without getting noticed.
If the toxic person asks why you are suddenly unavailable, pick an excuse and stick with it.
We are the summation of the five people we spend the most time around. Being around this person doesn’t just feel like they are bringing you down, they are bringing you down.
Let them play their own game while you play yours. Enjoy your life by removing toxic people and filling that space with positive and encouraging relationships.