Breakups are never easy, but staying in an unhealthy relationship is worse.
A negative, controlling, or negative partner will drag you down and hold you back.
Everyone deserves a relationship in which they feel safe, supported, and loved.
No one is entirely “bad.”
Your partner has good points – everyone does – but some traits should be regarded as deal breakers.
If you’ve noticed that your partner has any of these traits, it’s time to re-evaluate your relationship:
1. He always puts himself first
Good relationships are based on equality.
Sometimes, one of you may have to take care of the other, but as a rule, you should be putting in the same amount of effort.
If it feels like your needs and desires are always secondary to his, that’s probably because he sees himself as the center of the universe – and the relationship.
You deserve better than to be treated as an afterthought.
2. He responds badly to gentle, constructive criticism
Are you dating someone who can’t stand to be corrected, even when you do so in the nicest possible way?
This kind of emotional immaturity doesn’t bode well for a healthy partnership.
If you are walking on eggshells around your partner, and don’t feel able to voice disagreement, this suggests he doesn’t view you or your opinions with respect.
3. He’s careless with finances and personal possessions
Some people are naturally messy, and others find it hard to budget.
However, someone with a persistent tendency to overspend, lose important items, or damage possessions – either yours or their own – will cause you a lot of stress in the long run, particularly if you combine finances.
It’s difficult to teach someone new financial habits, so don’t assume you can change him.
4. He’s jealous
A degree of jealousy is normal in a relationship.
For instance, it’s natural to feel slightly insecure if your partner starts working with an attractive new colleague.
However, these feelings should be occasional and fleeting.
It’s never OK to project your own insecurities onto your partner, to demand that they account for their whereabouts at all times of the day, or to subject them to invasive questions.
A jealous man doesn’t man a good partner; he will stifle you, and his behavior might escalate over time.
5. He’s prone to outbursts or flares of bad temper
No one is always patient, and we all act in an inconsiderate manner from time to time.
However, temper tantrums in a grown man are never excusable.
At best, it’s a sign of immaturity.
At worst, it’s a red flag suggesting that he could become abusive.
6. He finds it hard to make or keep friends
Not everyone is a social butterfly.
Some of us prefer to have a few close friends rather than a big group, and that’s perfectly OK.
On the other hand, be wary if your partner has no friends, or often gets into fights with those in his social circle.
Emotionally healthy adults generally know how to keep friends.
7. His has an offensive sense of humor
Telling quirky jokes can be an endearing habit, but an off-color sense of humor is a red flag.
As the saying goes, “Many a true word is spoken in jest.”
If someone repeatedly makes jokes at the expense of others, particularly oppressed or minority groups, it’s likely he holds some undesirable views, even if he tells you off for being “too sensitive.”
8. He lives only in the moment
A man who can’t make long-term plans isn’t a good relationship candidate.
In the early stages, his impulsivity might be cute, but after the first few months it will start to become tiresome.
You’ll end up assuming sole responsibility for all the plans you should be making as a couple.
Over time, you’ll become resentful.
Life’s short, so put yourself first!
In some cases, couples therapy can turn the situation around.
If both of you are willing to attend therapy, it may be worth a try.
A good therapist can help you communicate with one another, identify destructive patterns, and build emotional intimacy.
On the other hand, if he doesn’t want to make changes, there is little point in staying.
If you stay in a bad relationship, you are depriving yourself of the opportunity to meet someone who is a better fit for you, or to enjoy some time as a single person.
Breaking up with a partner who drains your energy or fills you with self-doubt may be the best thing you ever do for yourself.