Have you ever been in a relationship that seemed OK for a while, but then went downhill rapidly?
Sometimes it’s relatively easy to spot what went wrong – for example, if your partner turned out to be physically abusive, this is a reliable indicator that the situation is unhealthy – but some signs are subtler.
Here are 12 indications that your relationship may not last very long:
1. They have little interest in your friends or family
Someone who cares about you and wants to remain in your life will make an effort to get to know your friends and family.
They will want to leave a good impression, because they know you respect their opinions.
An apathetic partner who doesn’t want to meet your loved ones isn’t planning to stick around.
It’s also important to note that if you dislike their friends, this is a red flag.
People tend to hang around with those who share their values and lifestyle.
2. They don’t really listen to you
When you truly care for someone else, you make a point of listening to what they have to say, and picking up on the important details of their day-to-day life.
A partner who only half-listens and appears to forget much of what you tell them isn’t making you a priority.
3. They are slow to apologize
If your partner is clearly in the wrong yet refuses to say sorry, they are putting their pride before your relationship.
This suggests that they value their self-image more than your happiness, which doesn’t bode well for your relationship.
If they are reluctant to tell you the truth about their innermost thoughts and feelings during a conversation or fight, this is another bad sign;
it suggests you do not trust one another.
4. You never argue
Arguing may not be fun, but occasion fights are a normal part of a healthy relationship.
Arguments allow you to address problems and come up with constructive solutions.
If you never argue, there are several possible explanations.
One or both of you may be deficient in communication skills, you may be afraid to talk to your partner about certain topics, or you might have stopped caring about the fate of the relationship.
Either way, an argument-free relationship isn’t a good sign.
5. You never or rarely discuss your future as a couple
When two people love one another, they want to plan and create a shared future.
If one or both of you are reluctant to make plans, the relationship isn’t on a solid footing.
6. They aren’t the person you call when you receive important news
If you’ve been with your partner for a long time, yet they aren’t the first person you call or text when you have something important to share, it’s time to evaluate the role they play in your life.
In a close long-term relationship, your partner should be the person you turn to most often in times of need.
7. They seem unaffected by your personal achievements and preferences
Is your partner disinterested in your work, studies, or hobbies?
Someone who really loves you and feels invested in your relationship will take pride in your achievements, and want to know more about every area of your life.
Apathy is a sure sign that a relationship is dying.
8. One party dominates the relationship
It’s normal for one person to be the more assertive party in a relationship, but a large power imbalance is not sustainable.
Whether you are the one who has to make all the decisions, or the one who is subject to the whims of your partner, you will slowly come to resent your situation.
9. You don’t have your own interests
Are you too busy trying to sort out your relationship problems to pursue your own interests, or so dependent on your partner that the thought of doing anything without them is frightening?
To have a healthy relationship, both parties need to balance time together with time spent apart.
Each needs an identity of their own.
10. You don’t have any thought-provoking discussions, and life has become routine
If you are bored by your partner, and have slipped into a dull routine that shows no sign of changing any time soon, your relationship is in trouble.
To grow and thrive, your relationship needs to provide emotional, intellectual, and physical stimulation.
Complacency might feel comfortable at first, but over time it will kill your love for one another.
11. The beginning of the relationship felt unbelievably magical
Some couples have whirlwind romances that develop into lasting love.
However, in most cases, a relationship that starts off as a fairy tale is based on illusions and fantasy rather than compatibility.
If your relationship was based on sexual attraction, it’s unlikely to last a long time.
12. You have a feeling that, deep down, you have made a big sacrifice to get or keep the relationship
Gut feelings are important in relationships.
If you harbour any resentment towards your partner, it is likely to grow over time.
Be honest with yourself;
do you feel as though you’ve compromised your principles or sacrificed any opportunities for this person?
If the answer is “yes,” and it doesn’t feel as though you are getting much in return, you are bound to start looking for a way out sooner rather than later.
If you are only with your partner because you feel obligated, this is a big warning sign.
If these signs sound familiar,
it doesn’t mean that your relationship is beyond saving, but it may be in serious trouble.
Consider evaluating whether the relationship is fulfilling your needs.
Working with a counsellor, whether alone or with your partner, can help you gain clarity.