Has anyone ever told you to “play hard to get” or “treat her mean to keep her keen” when it comes to dating?
This so-called wisdom is based on the assumption that women are intrigued by men who act like they don’t care about them or the relationship.
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Why this advice is insulting to both sexes
If someone tells you that women respond positively to poor treatment, they are effectively saying, “Women aren’t smart enough to want a respectful partner.”
At the same time, they’re also telling you that men can’t rely on their personalities to hold a woman’s attention – they have to play power games instead. Neither conclusion is true.
You can impress a woman without resorting to manipulative tactics.
Why the silent treatment is never the right thing to do
There are two major problems with the “hard to get” approach. First, it can actually be a form of abuse; giving a woman the silent treatment and playing with her emotions is unkind at best, and malicious at worst.
The second problem is that it rarely works – at least, not with an emotionally healthy woman who understands what a good relationship should look like.
Here’s what happens when you try to play this game with a mature woman:
1) She immediately assumes that you aren’t a good long-term prospect.
Women don’t want to waste their lives with a man who is never honest about his feelings or intentions. If she can’t trust you in the early stages of a relationship, why would she want invest in you? No girl grows up dreaming about finding a man who blows hot and cold. Contrary to what other people or the media may tell you, women actually want a reliable guy.
2) She won’t give you a second chance.
Every relationship has ups and downs. Mature women know that no man is perfect. They know that, sometimes, you need to have awkward discussions before a relationship can move forward.
However, if you distance yourself from her, she’ll learn that you won’t even talk about problems, let alone solve them.
That’s why ignoring a woman is such a serious, often unforgiveable, mistake. A confident, desirable woman isn’t interested in men who can’t face up to ordinary relationship difficulties.
3) She’ll warn her friends that you can’t be trusted.
If you share the same friends or colleagues, be warned – your reputation will suffer if you mistreat her.
Mature women don’t want to see their friends get hurt, and won’t hesitate to warn them to stay away from you. And, when people begin to think of you as someone who treats women badly, it’s hard to convince them otherwise.
4) She’ll enjoy having more space, and it will be easier for her to cut you free.
Let’s say you decide to distance yourself from a woman for a couple of days, in the hope that she will become more interested in you.
Yes, she might spend an hour or two trying to work out what she’s done wrong, but then she’ll move on with her day.
After all, why should she burn up precious time trying to work out why you’re behaving like a teenager?
To make things even worse for you, time alone or with her friends will remind her that it’s better to enjoy herself as a single woman than hang out with a guy who doesn’t treat her well. She may even meet someone else!
Ignoring a woman isn’t an original tactic
Any woman who has been dating for a while will have already met guys who try to use the silent treatment to pique her interest. Frankly, unless they are inexperienced and naïve, women find this behavior boring and juvenile. Girls aren’t stupid.
You also need to bear in mind that women talk to one another about their relationships. So, if she has a couple of good friends, they’ll remind her that your actions are unacceptable. Never assume that she’s never met a guy like you before.
Women who fall for this trick aren’t the sort of women you should be dating
Remember, if ignoring a woman actually makes her pay you more attention or cling to the relationship, it suggests her self-esteem is virtually non-existent.
Ask yourself why you would want to date a girl who thinks so little of herself that she’ll hang around for a guy who acts like he doesn’t care about her. Instead, learn to be consistent and honest in your relationships, then find a woman with the same values.