We typically associate the characteristic of being “fake” to being “manipulative” or mean, but plenty of fake people act nice toward us which can make it more difficult to identify them and their true motives or personality.
Just because a person is fake doesn’t mean that they will be cruel toward you or others, or readily manipulate people like puppets on a string.
Some fake people are very nice and make nice gestures or comments, but they are insincere about them and you may not know it.
Usually this form of fakeness comes from insecurity and the desire to fit in.
They sacrifice their own genuine identity in favor of “fake” behavior that they believe will get them what they want.
Here are 5 ways to spot a fake nice person in your life:
They are people pleasers.
They don’t just please people because they want to make you happy, they try to please everyone without concern for their actual opinions or yours.
They will agree with you, and just as readily agree with an opposing opinion because they want to make you like them.
They will pretend to like all the same things that you like, just so that they can be included.
They aren’t worried about forming their own individual identity and opinions, they just want to agree with whomever is around who will elevate or include them socially.
They avoid questions about themselves.
There are people who are quiet, shy, or just good listeners but they will still typically offer up information about themselves and their likes or dislikes in a conversation when prompted.
Fake people will redirect the conversation back to you and avoid answering any personal details about themselves.
This is because they don’t want to risk disclosing the “wrong” opinion, and would prefer to agree with whatever you say or think rather than create or express their own perspective.
They give you lavish gifts.
Gift giving is wonderful.
It feels great to treat a loved one to something that they would like and to make them smile.
A fake person will give you lavish gifts—gifts you couldn’t begin to compete with—not to make you feel good, but to elevate themselves.
They view gift giving as a competition, not a kind gesture, and they are determined to win.
If they can give the best gift, then they are the better person.
When a fake person gives you such a gift, it has nothing to do with you and making you happy, but to make you admire them and be indebted to them.
They respect power.
A genuine person will be respectful to everyone, because that’s how we should treat each other.
A fake person will be nice and respectful to you, but only if you have the power to get them what they want.
If you have more experience at the job, they will be nice to you so that they can get ahead.
If you are the way in to a social circle, they will be nice to you in order to be invited to join.
The key is, once they get what they want their niceness and respect will go away or lessen.
They don’t actually care about you as a person, they just want what you can offer.
They crave attention.
We all like the spotlight from time to time.
Whether it’s during a conversation and we are telling an engaging story, or at work when we are appreciate for our work on a project.
However, a fake person wants the spotlight all the time—even when they did nothing to deserve it.
It might be your story, but they will tell it to someone else just so they can have the attention.
It might be your project, but they will make the announcement so that they can share your light.
A fake person might take credit for these things, but a fake nice person will still allow you the credit but steal your acclaim by turning the focus on to them.
They will make a dramatic speech at an event honoring you, so that while it is still about you, everyone will be looking at and admiring them.
They will tell your story and have you as their main character, but they get to be the narrator and get all the laughs at your expense.
Fake nice people are difficult to spot because what they are doing doesn’t seem manipulative.
Instead, it seems like they are being nice and kind to you—which makes it even more difficult to identify their toxic behavior.
Fake nice people may do things you like or treat you well, but none of it is done with sincerity or concern for your wellbeing.
All the nice things that a fake nice person does is entirely for their own benefit, and they are using you to get it.