Start over and love yourself

Don’t Put Your Life On Hold – If You Aren’t The One For Them, It’s Time To Let Go

By the time we reach our twenties, most of us know what it’s like to lose someone we love.

Whilst it’s an unfortunate fact of life that the majority of romantic relationships don’t work out, breakups are seldom easy.

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Why breakups are so painful

When a relationship ends, you don’t just lose a partner. You also lose your hopes and dreams about the future.

For example, if you thought that the two of you would marry one day, the end of the relationship smashes those dreams to pieces.

If you wanted to reach milestones by specific ages, for example to have had children by the age of 30, you might be forced to rethink those plans.

You might feel humiliated, knowing that your relationship has become one-sided. When you realize that your partner no longer views you as a long-term prospect, you feel shattered.

Explaining the situation to your family and friends can also be tough. No one likes to admit that their partner has fallen out of love with them.

It takes time to readjust to a new life as a single person. It’s a daunting prospect, particularly if you have depended on your partner to help you make day to day decisions.

If you have been together a long time, you might not know who you are when you aren’t part of a couple.

You aren’t unlovable just because your relationship hasn’t worked out

When dealing with a breakup, you have a choice.

You can accept that you will be in pain for a while, grieve the relationship in a healthy way, and let time heal you.

Or you can choose to wallow in your misery, waste hours analyzing your ex’s behaviors, and blame yourself for everything that went wrong in the relationship.

Hopefully, it’s clear that the former approach is better than the latter. Have some self-respect. If your partner chooses to leave you, you need to honor their choice.

Calling, texting, begging, or trying to play mind games to lure them back will only make the situation worse.

If they do take pity on you and come back, you’ll always be left feeling resentful, knowing that you had to plead with them to resume the relationship.

Why it’s important to cut contact

You only have one life. Don’t waste it on someone who has made it clear that they aren’t interested in spending time with you.

There are so many people out there who will love you just the way you are, so why pine after your ex?

Unless you have children or financial affairs you need to discuss, it’s time to cut contact. Delete their number from your phone, unfriend or unfollow them on social media, and stop responding to their messages.

Resist the temptation to ask mutual friends what your ex is doing. It’s none of your business, and keeping up to date with your ex’s life will not help you move on.

You don’t have to destroy the cards, letters, and gifts they gave you. One day, many years from now, you might enjoy looking at these reminders of your younger self.

However, until that day comes, it’s best to put everything in a box, seal it, and hide it away. You could ask someone you trust to hold onto it for you. 

What if your ex leaves you for someone new?

Even if you’ve suspected they have been seeing someone else, it can still come as a shock when a partner announces that they have a replacement lined up. Don’t fall into the trap of making comparisons.

You and their new partner are totally different people, and comparing your looks, personality, or career to theirs is pointless and toxic.

If your ex cheated on you and then left you for their affair partner, you’ve had a lucky escape.

Unlike you, their new partner has knowingly entered a relationship with a cheater. It’s much better to be single than with a man or woman who has already proven themselves capable of betraying someone they claim to love. 

Remember, a couple of years from now, the situation will look different

When you feel overwhelmed by your emotions, try to see the situation from a new perspective. Imagine yourself in two years’ time. Picture yourself as a contented woman at peace with herself and the past.

If you are fresh out of a relationship, you’ll be in a lot of pain, but it will gradually fade. In the long run, you’ll be grateful for the lessons you learned from the breakup. You’ll realize that you are stronger than you think, and that heartbreak can’t destroy you. 

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